Friday, June 26, 2009

How To Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl

It was really a toss-up whether or not to post this blog from Park Bench. On the one hand, it could make me look awesomely bad in the eyes of my many, interchangeable boy crushes, seeing as I fit in almost every one of these Nerd Girl categories perfectly. On the other hand, I'm also proud to be this type of girl. Nerds are totally in right now. What, you don't believe me? What was that you said? You like your girls stick thin, self-possessed and dumb as a lamppost? Well, in that case, I challenge you to a bet. Using Park Bench's incredibly accurate list of tips below, go pick up a Nerdy Girl and just try to come back here and tell me you didn't end up having the time of your life. Go ahead. Off with you!


How to Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl

Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of folks coming to The Park Bench after Googling “how do I meet a nerdy girl?” Hopefully, this is not the manifestation of some creepy new human trafficking trend but instead is the result of more people wanting to find and date the nerdy woman of their dreams. With that in mind, I offer the following tips:

Tip #1: Know where to look.

The number one thing to know about nerdy girls -- they're probably not going to be doing body shots at the local sports bar on a Friday night. If they're out partying, it's over a micro-brewed pale ale in the quiet corner of their local hole-in-the-wall watering hole. Other good places to spot nerdy women: libraries, bookstores, used bookstores, any other place with books you can think of, comic book stores, knitting stores, craft stores, sitting in the park...reading a book, the local cat fanciers convention, at a midnight showing of "Alien" or in their living rooms, watching "Firefly" again.

Tip #2: It helps to look like this guy:


On the other hand, it helps to look like this guy too:


You're pretty much good either way.

Tip #3: Read lots of books.

Here’s the brutal truth: the nerd girl of your dreams is a brainiac. She’s going to know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. You’re going to need to study up -- none of that sitting at the coffee shop with an unread copy of “The Waste Land” in your hand, trying to impress the shallow ladies. Your nerd girl will check to make sure that the spine on the book is cracked and cracked good. She likely also will ask you to compare “The Waste Land” to “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” If you have to resort to Cliff's Notes, do it surreptitiously. It’s like getting a butt implant – the nerd girls will know you’re faking it.

Tip #4: Don’t slack off on your video game skills.

One of the prime perks of dating a nerdy woman is that she will not yell at you for playing video games rather than, say, going shoe shopping with her. In fact, she likely will sit down next to you and pick up a controller. Here’s the thing though: she’s probably good at whatever game you’re playing so you better be good at it too. Whether it’s Mario Kart or Tiger Woods Golf or the bloody carnage of Grand Theft Auto, she will show no mercy. Practice, practice, practice!

Tip #5: Listen to NPR.

Nerd girls like to stay up to date on their current events…and they like to do it with the dulcet, sometimes somnolent tones of NPR broadcasters. Beware, though, of the onset of NPR depression which stems from listening to so much news and sad stories about flooding in Nova Scotia or the inequities facing migrant workers that you become convinced the world is doomed and there’s no use leaving your house in the morning. This will put a damper on your dating. However, this prevalent disease also will give you an out if you've had to slack off on your NPR duties – just say, “I had to take an NPR break. Sometimes it makes me sad.” This serves two purposes: it gets you off the hook AND it makes you look sensitive. Bonus!

Tip #6: Be interesting.

Whereas a lot of ladies want you to be rich, nerdy women just want you to be interesting. Do you have a comic book collection that spans decades and rests in a vault somewhere untouched by human hands? That’s kinda cool. Are you learning how to do animation so you can one day post the adventures of a hobo cat online? That’s kinda cool too. Maybe you build houses for the poor on weekends or spend an afternoon teaching creative writing to high school kids? Awesome and more awesome. It doesn't matter what you do, just do it well.

Tip #7: Know your pop culture references.

Know the complete works of the Nerd Holy Trinity: Joss Whedon, J.J. Abrams and Peter Jackson. Know that Nathan Fillion will always be on your girl’s “freebie” list. When she goes to church and thanks God that Robert Downey Jr. survived the 1980s so he could play Iron Man, say “Amen” right alongside her. And for the love of all that is sacred and holy, do not EVER get “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” confused: one has Wookiees, one has Shatner, it’s not that hard.

Tip #8: Compliment her by saying, “You remind me so much of Liz Lemon.”

This is truly the highest form of flattery for just about any nerdy woman. Liz Lemon is our patron saint. Her inability to wear high heels, keep food off her face or refrain from making penis jokes while holding a tower made of Legos in her hands makes us reflect fondly on our own quirks. We love her…and you should too.

Tip #9: Embrace her collectibles.

That is not a euphemism for something pervy. It’s just a fact. When you walk into her apartment for the first time and notice a glass cabinet filled with a miniature TARDIS, a sombrero-wearing Giles, a 17-inch Han Solo and a two-foot long replica of the Enterprise NCC-1701-D, do not say, “What the hell is all this stuff?” Instead say, “What the hell? Why don’t you have MORE of this stuff? And may I mail order something for you?”

Tip #10: Be willing to go to conventions.

It’s just a thing we do. Relax and embrace it…and know that nine times out of ten, you’ll catch a glimpse of some nubile young woman dressed as a Princess Leia slave girl. It’s what the universe does to reward patience of our significant others.

Tip #11: Know what to do in a zombie attack.

We've been practicing for this one for a long time. We don't want to have to leave you behind.

Well, that about covers it. Congratulations on taking your first steps on the road to nerd girl nirvana. Know that you have selected the finest kind of woman possible. Way to go, champ!


Thanks for representing, Park Bench!
*This is my new favorite blog*

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Buffy vs. Edward

See now, this video works for so many people. It works for people who love Buffy, for people who love staring at Robert Pattinson, for Twi-haters and most importantly, for Twilight fans with a good sense of humor. The only sort of people this video doesn't work for are those girls who just can't stand the thought of a stake being thrust, cruelly and without pity, into Edward's shining, white chest. Get over it girls! I'm pretty sure this is EXACTLY what would happen if Buffy met up with Edward. She likes her vampires bad - not moody and swoony (though, it can be argued that both Angel and Spike had their moody and swoony stints every now and then).

Whoever made this video - I tip my hat to you. It's just plain brilliant.



Thanks to HGE for the video!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Vampire Diaries


As much as I would like to devote hours upon hours to perfecting an absolutely fabulous post about this new CW show, alas, work calls with even more demand this week as my horde of bosses live it up in New York City for Promax while I stew here in their absence, covering all their non-stop phone calls and emails. If I sound bitter, I am.

Ok, enough whining. Now for some classic CW eye-candy. Below you can check out an extended preview for The Vampire Diaries. Go on, you know you want to look...





Ok, now back to the whining. I read this series, first published 1991, as a young teenager. When this story was first published, it was released in four different books (The Awakening, The Struggle, The Fury and Dark Reunion). Check out a couple of the original covers below.


More recently, most likely due to the success of Twilight, Harper re-published the series in two different books, two volumes per book. Again, please review a couple of the newer covers below. The second one, if you're curious, is a fifth volume that Smith just released, also probably due to the success of Twilight.


Now, does anyone here notice anything wrong with this picture, when compared to our lovely extended preview? If you're thinking, "Oh, isn't it odd that Elena has dark brown hair in the show and yet, both sets of covers show her with light blond hair", you are a very clever person indeed. In the books, Elena is described as "cool, BLONDE and slender". When Damon first shows himself in crow form, unknown to the reader or to Elena, his "wings ruffling her blonde hair", the reader is now pretty sure she is...what?...oh that's right, BLONDE! There is a lot of room for adaption between a book and television series, but that aspect of Elena, that her hair is a beautiful, sleek blonde and that she has stunning blue (sometimes described as lapis lazuli) eyes, is something that is described a ton throughout the books. I'm guessing it was Smith's way of enhancing the physical differences between her and the two dark, Italian vampire brothers. Needless to say, the fact that she is brunette in the show - not a choice I'm happy with or anyone else should be happy with either.

Despite that fact, I am actually very excited about this show. I'm not sure how they are going to pull off more than one season worth of material, but I'm guessing they will probably change around a lot of stuff. For instance, Damon seems to be around starting from nearly the beginning, but in the books, he doesn't show himself out of crow form until much later. Also, Stefan doesn't have ANY friends in town, so I'm not sure who the man is that he is speaking with in the preview.

These books don't hold a candle to Meyer's writing in Twilight, but out of two series, they are without a doubt the best choice to adapt into a show. In fact, The CW is a perfect network to show it, seeing as the books now come off as beginning a little to YOUNG adult, emphasis on the young. It should do quite well with that audience. Don't get me wrong, I watch the CW (Smallville and Supernatural) and have since I was 15 or so, but it definitely caters to a certain type of market. One that should gobble this series right up.

So, what do you think? Yea or nay? Are we loving the fact that Ian Somerhalder, famous LOST veteran, is starring as the deliciously dangerous Damon? I know I am.

Monday, June 8, 2009

The Body Politic

As some of you may or may not know, I am a wee bit of a Veronica Mars fan. Consequently, I am also a huge fan of Jason Dohring, he who playeth Logan on VM and he who charmingly confirmed the fact that I, and all females like me, will forever fall for the bad-boy, despite our real-life best efforts to the contrary.

Since the last episode of Veronica Mars, I have seen Jason Dohring light up the big and little screen in only two other projects: the doomed CBS vampire drama Moonlight and the independent short, Struck (which I loved). Since then, he's be curiously and infuriatingly MIA from the duty of entertaining me. Hopefully, he won't be MIA much longer. Cue the possibly new CW show, The Body Politic. Since Watch with Kristin can pitch this show with more flare and accuracy than I ever could, I will send you there for the DL. Hummm...DL...do people still say that? Probably not...I'm always out of the trendy-word loop...

Anyway, if you're too busy to read their glowing review of the very un-CW CW show, just check out the two quick scenes (both with Jason Dohring, of course!) below and see what you think:







So, whatcha think? I'm not really one for political shows - but I do love me some J.D.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Quick Hits - Summer Movie Reviews

I know it's been forever and a weekday since I last posted. I must apologize for that - and immediately start throwing excuses your way. In my defense, they are pretty good excuses. For one, work has been kicking my backside lately but that is to be expected, what with our rise in original programming. Also, there really hasn't been that much to discuss since my DVR has become depressingly empty due to the end of the fall TV season.

But never fear my faithful readers! The Summer Movie Season has begun and I have some quick reviews from my most recent cinematic adventures:


Angels and Demons


I definitely enjoyed this one more than The DaVinci Code. It had more action, more suspense, more villains and it had Ewan McGregor. That fact in and of itself was enough to bring up the entertainment level. And if I should be felled by God for lusting after a fake priest - then so be it. It was worth it. However, even though this film was better than DaVinci Code, it's still the lowest on my summer movie list.

My Grade: B-
$/Theater or DVD: This could wait until the DVD release. I wouldn't say it's worth $10 - but if you can check it out in south GA for $6, then maybe then it's worth seeing in the theater. Otherwise, Netflix that sucker and check it out on a big-screen and all will be well.


Terminator Salvation


I am not sure what you've heard about this film, but my review is shining. Apparently, if you are a gung-ho James Cameron Terminator fan and you're expecting something like those films, then you'll be disappointed. But honestly, who really went into that movie thinking it would be exactly like those Arnold bomb-a-thons? Besides, I was never much of a Terminator fan. I enjoyed the films and they are certainly classics, but I wouldn't call myself a Terminator fangirl. So, that being said, I LOVED this movie. It was gritty, dark, exciting, new and just plain fun. It was all these things and that is exactly what I expected when I walked into the theater. And it was more. It was - egads! - emotional! Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm such a girly-girl, but I did tear up a bit at the end. The story of John Conner and even more so, the story of Marcus Wright (played by the yummy Sam Worthington) really tugged at my easily-tugged heart-strings. Call me sappy, call me blasphemous for sobbing during a Terminator film, call me whatever you like - but that doesn't change the truth. And the truth is - this film rocked my socks (if I had had socks on to rock) off. Not only that but Sam Worthington is my new favorite swoon-causer. It takes some pretty big cahonas (not to mention an insanely chiseled jaw) to upstage Christan Bale in his own film, but Worthington pulled it off, shocking and awe-ing and bringing tears to my eyes doing it.

My Grade: A
$/Theater or DVD: No question about it - dish out the $10 and see this in the theater. It's worth it, I cross my heart.



UP


This movie has been raved about for the last couple weeks and I am sorry to disappoint you but after seeing it last night, I am of a like mind with the UP-ravers. This movie was excellent, even if it did err more on the side of sad and depressing - at least more so than other Disney/Pixar films. Instead of bringing in tissues for happy Disney tears, bring them in for sad Disney tears. This is not to say that the film ended badly (honestly, it's a Disney film, people!) or that its appeal was lessened by its weepy scenes. On the contrary, the sad scenes brought a charm and depth to the movie, an aspect that has been rather prevalent in recent Disney/Pixar films. Except, unlike Wall-E, I could easily connect and sympathize with the characters (seeing as they were actual humans with human speaking skills). This movie was charmingly grumpy, a bittersweet adventure that reflected the mood and nature of the main character. The little boy, Russell, kept it from tipping over into depressing territory with his little boyscout antics, fearful heroism and a love for any creature that crossed his path.

My Grade: A
$/Theater or DVD: This could really go either way. I guess it all depends on what you have in the bank. All Pixar films are better watched in a theater and I would suggest paying the money to see it there instead of waiting to rent it. Still, if you can't see it in the theater, you should definitely rent it and watch it.



So, that's all the time and money worth of summer movies I've had so far but keep checking in for new and improved summer movie updates. And of course, because I am a Twihard (though not one of those screeching, tween ones), I will leave you with the newly released trailer for New Moon. I'm sure you've already seen it a ka-billion times, but go ahead, watch it again. You know you want to...




Disclaimer

The views expressed on this blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.